A Rhythm of Gratitude

Once upon a time, back in my college days, someone suggested that maybe the days in Genesis 1 were symbolic, that maybe it didn’t have to literally refer to 24-hour periods.  I objected, which might well be a reasonable thing to do (I withhold judgment), but my reason was certainly bad:  I couldn’t see what the symbolism could possibly be in saying that, for example, sea and sky were created on the second day.  And that was just blindness.

Then, about a couple months back, just for fun, I started thinking of the days of the week, not just in terms of their names in our calendar, but in terms of what was made on each day.  Sunday is Lightday.  Monday is Seaday or Skyday or Waterday.  Tuesday is Landday or Plantsday or Treesday or Fruitday.  Wednesday is – wait for it – Sunday (I know!) or Moonday or Starsday.  Thursday is Fishday or Birdsday.  Friday is Animalday or, more often, Manday.  (Humanday or Peopleday is better, but Manday has more of a ring to it.)  Saturday is Restday.  Well, almost.  Since “evening and morning were the __th day,” Manday is really Thursday evening through Friday at sunset, for example.  Every time I think of the calendar name for a day of the week, I try to pause and think of this Genesis 1 name, too. 

I expected it to be a vaguely fun, interesting thing to do.  But I wasn’t really expecting the result.

I’m not sure I have ever in my life been more grateful for Creation.  It’s such a simple thing, but now every time I think the name of the day, I think of something God made.  And every week is a progression, first setting the stage, then bursting forth into life, and every Restday is a day for happy peaceful contemplation of the wonder of it all.  It’s a weekly rhythm of gratitude, and I love participating in it.

As an added bonus, I thought it was kind of awesome to suddenly realize that Christ was crucified and died (thus recreating mankind, if you listen to Athanasius) on Manday, lay in the grave on Restday, and arose very early in the morning, before the sun had risen, on Lightday.

Have a good week, and enjoy the wonder of Creation.  Landday/Plantsday has just begun, so think of mountains and forests and flowers and herbs and fruits and grains and vegetables, and be thankful.

Dementia

I’m staring through a glass window

And the person I love most in all the world is on the other side of it

The woman who was always there for me, who loved me, who dried my tears and held my hair back for me while I threw up

Who cleaned up my messes and drove me around and played with me every day

Who taught me to read, to sing, to love God’s Word

Who helped me find my way in the world

Is lost in a maze just beyond it

And I can see her there, trapped, lost

Alone, bored, not knowing where she is,

Confused, afraid, dependent, helpless, upset

Getting farther and farther away

And I can talk to her but my words don’t get through

I can’t get her out of that maze

And at every turn she is farther away

Every time I look she is farther away

One Year in Oregon: A Retrospective

As of Wednesday, I will have been in Oregon for one full year.  This time last year, I had meant to be starting to drive up; instead, I spent the whole day packing my brother’s and nephew’s stuff into the moving truck, asymptotically approaching done as we got more and more exhausted.  That evening, I slept at their place; the next day, we finished up the last bits of packing and drove off to the first and only July rain I have ever seen in Los Angeles – its own special good-bye, it seemed – and made it up to around Redding before stopping at a Motel 6.  The next day, August 1^st, my Oregon anniversary, we crossed the border and made it to my apartment complex just barely too late for them to let me check in, so I stayed at my brother and nephew’s new place for one last night before moving in.  I moved in on August 2^nd.

So yesterday is the anniversary of the day I moved all my earthly goods out of my parents’ house and struck out on my own, though my Oregon anniversary is only almost here.  Seems like a good time for a retrospective.

So here’s some highlights of the year, some things I’ve learned about Oregon, some changes I’ve noticed in myself… all thrown together in one jumbled rambling retrospective.  One year down.

Hiking.  I’ve sure done it a lot more now.

Oregon drivers think inconsiderate drivers are people who give them a tiny jolt of extra adrenaline.  Los Angeles drivers (including myself) think inconsiderate drivers are people who drive down a one-lane road, or the fast lane of a wider road, at 5 mph under the (low) speed limit when there’s nothing particularly interesting going on in front of them.  Or exactly at the speed limit, for that matter.

I now know where the controls for my car’s bright headlights are.

Layers are such useful things. 

Yeah, those stories about people who live in cold climates actually having their bodies change to compensate?  Apparently it’s true.  My temperature sense is way closer to a normal Angeleno’s now.  Of course, I’m still not much for the cold by Oregonian standards.

Last year, I didn’t know I was anemic.  This year, I know… and thanks to iron, I’m running faster than I ever have before.

Yogurt-based fruit smoothies are some of the most delicious things ever.  I can practically feel them nourishing me.  And what do you know, eating a large quantity of fruits and vegetables seems to really help one feel healthy.  Who’d have thought?

A new sister-in-law!  Such a beautiful wedding.  Getting all 13 of us siblings together for the first time in almost 19 years was a nice highlight too!

Last year, I had danced only a low single-digit number of times.  Now I am quite decent at English country dancing.  ^__^

Last year, I knew all the theory, but I knew very little about how electrical engineering… works… in practice.  Now I know so much more about that side of things.  I’m a professional RTL coder, I am.

Cleaning an apartment where you live alone is not automatic, but it is *much* easier than cleaning a rambling old two-story house with a basement in Los Angeles where you grew up with a huge family.  And in either place, FlyLady is your friend.

REI is your friend.

On an Oregon hike, you shouldn’t wear jeans.  This is completely counterintuitive to me.

The air is always fresh, always clean – though it might have a little pollen in the spring and mildew in the winter, still, no smog.  Ever.

Oh, In-N-Out, I miss you.

Flaggers are crazy.  Oregon is crazy.  Seriously, I’m pretty sure our lives would be happier up here if they rerouted traffic.  But no, it’s more fun to hire someone to stand there and BREAK EVERYTHING.

Sure is nice, having freeway meters where they stagger the greens so one lane gets green at a time, instead of turning it into a game of chicken…

Balls.  Dinners at Shari’s.  Bible study.  Tutoring some wonderful kids and eating dinner with their wonderful families.  Camping trips – two of them. 

I’ve gone from less than nothing (in debt to my dad) to five figures in my bank account.  And stock and a 401k and health insurance all my own, no less.  While upping my standard of living significantly, furnishing my apartment, obtaining cold weather clothes, etc.

I can sure be extroverted when I live alone… and I sure spend more time on Facebook that way.

Reading in the woods is *splendid.*  My apartment is *splendid.*

Friends – It’s so strange to realize that this time last year, I didn’t know all these wonderful Oregonians.  I have been blessed, no question.

Dilbert is a documentary.  ;)

God is faithful… again and again.  A thousand times I’ve failed; still Your mercy remains.

Portland is a beautiful town, er, city.  I never get over the view on the bridge over the Willamette.  And the forest around the city… there are no words.  The river, the forest, the mountains, the elegant buildings and public art, all combine to make it incredible.

The Gorge: the Columbia River Gorge, a.k.a. Land O’ the Best Hikes EVAR.

Powell’s Books.  ‘Nuff said.

I never dreamed apples could taste so good.

I know my Oregon geography better now, though it’s certainly no match for my Los Angeles and California geography…

I had people call me brave.  Interesting to move and see how far you’ve come – a few years back, I don’t think anyone would have thought me brave.  I was always the girl of a thousand crippling fears.

Adults have so many choices.  So incredibly many choices.

Mostly I guess I’ve learned that I can do this living on my own thing, even a thousand miles from home, by God’s grace, and it’s scary and it’s a big change and it takes so much work and planning, but it’s also exciting, rewarding, satisfying. 

No, this doesn’t sum up the year, not nearly… but it’s something to honor this occasion, at least.

Here’s to many more such years.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylight, in moonlight, in starlight, in cups of coffee,
In inches, in miles, in laughter and strife?
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? 
Measure in love.  
Seasons of love.

-"Seasons of Love," Rent (from memory, so may not be verbatim)

(Though this is a leap year, so that should really be five hundred twenty-seven thousand, forty minutes.)

Believe. Act. Receive by grace.

Today I heard an almost-true sermon.

Or, well, hm, how shall I put this?  I’m not sure that the pastor is wrong.  I am sure that the nuances I noticed him say today (and I was zoned out for just enough of his sermon, thinking about things like these nuances, that I probably did not notice every relevant thing he said) are things that are very scripturally problematic.  I am worried that people believe those problematic nuances.

I wouldn’t be surprised if when I’m done saying what I think here, a lot of other people think that this has scripturally problematic nuances.  Because I am pretty sure that there are actual disagreements here.

And by the way, I’ve changed my mind about this since I was a small child, so I really wouldn’t be surprised if other people disagree – I did.

I do also have a pretty strong opinion here.  Yes, I think I’m right.  That’s kind of the definition of having an opinion at all...

I’m not sure I’ll even present what the “other side” is, though.  I think I’ll simply say what it is I think.  Maybe the pastor would in fact agree with what I write here.  I’m not sure.  I’ll leave you to find places you disagree and decide after reading whether you still disagree.  “Picking sides” can be profitable, but it isn’t always, and here I think it would not be.

Rest assured that the pastor’s sermon was not totally heretical like a great many possible disagreements from what I’m about to say would be.  I’m trying to write many of the basics of the Christian faith, but with the nuances which I believe, not the nuances I heard in the sermon today.  The disagreement is not in the main point, but in subtleties.  “Mere Christianity” still stands as one for the vast majority of this.

Really I’m using this sermon more as a prompt, a leaping-off point, than as a thing to argue against.

Without further ado:

All of God’s gifts are gifts we receive by grace, and almost all are gifts which we must also believe and act in order to receive.

How does that tension work?

As Dr. Reynolds once said in a lecture (paraphrased from my memory), God sees our feeble efforts, our faintest stirrings of reaching toward Him, and He says, “That’s enough!  Just a little righteousness!  I’ll treat you as if you were as righteous as My Son.”

Belief and good actions do not mean that we merit God’s good gifts.  They do not mean that we earned them.  We did not.  We aren’t even close.

God in His goodness multiplies our efforts so far beyond what we could ever earn.

We are given eternal salvation, justification, the Holy Spirit living inside us, answers to prayers, and incredible assistance in living well each day, all simply when we believe that Jesus is Lord and begin to intend to serve Him.  That belief should not make us feel smug or righteous.  All our righteousness is as filthy rags, but he washes us and dresses us in bright robes of his own.  Our feeble effort does not come close to paying for our sin.

Yet that feeble effort is the price God requires.  He asks for belief and, yes, for the intent to serve Him.  Is that enough?  Not even close, except by the work Christ did on the cross – the most absurd extremity of grace.  Can we congratulate ourselves on this salvation?  No, no, a thousand times no!  Can we even say we are better than those who do not believe?  No, no, all have sinned, all have offended God abominably, and do you truly believe that under no circumstances would you fail to believe in Jesus?  If so, you are quite deluded.

Believe, act, and receive by grace a life superabundantly beyond anything you could ever earn.

Your salvation?  Believe, act, and receive by grace what for all your efforts, you did not earn.

Knowledge of Scripture?  Believe, act, and receive by grace what for all your efforts, you did not earn.  No one can deserve the blessing of knowing God’s words to humanity and seeing how it can aid us today.  No one can deserve the promptings of the Holy Spirit as to how God’s words to, say, King David affect how we live today.  But by God’s grace, and, yes, a boatload of study, many people do achieve a great knowledge of Scripture.  They did not study enough to earn it, but God chose to bless their study with knowledge.

A happy marriage?  Believe, act, and receive by grace what for all your efforts, you did not earn.  (And if, like me, you have no such thing, do not curse God as if you had earned it and He withheld it.)  No one can deserve to possess and be possessed by another soul in love.  But many do receive that, by God’s grace and, yes, a boatload of hard work and faithfulness – but not nearly enough hard work and faithfulness to earn it.

Contentment in all circumstances?  Believe, act, and receive by grace what for all your efforts, you did not earn.  No one can deserve the knowledge that we are God's children and He will give us what we really need.  No one can deserve to be taken care of by the love of the omnipotent creator.  No one can deserve the "peace that passes understanding" - yet as Paul said when talking about how he had learned to be content with little or with much, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" - with only a little belief and trust and the grace of God, we can receive contentment.  Christ strengthens us, and our little effort is multiplied a thousandfold in its effects.

God gives sun and rain to the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you want to produce a large crop you had better do some work… and acknowledge that however much you work, that crop is still a gift, that only by God’s incredible power and aid does a seed become a plant.  We plant and God gives the growth.

Believe, act, and receive by grace.  All those things belong together.  They are not contradictory.  We are not saved by works we do.  We are not saved because our faith pleased God so much He realized it just wouldn’t be right to withhold salvation from such stalwart souls.  Yet by God’s grace, we are saved through faith.  Have faith, and as James says, help the widow and the orphan; do good in God’s name.  Be humbled by God’s great mercy and by the wonder of the cross.  Never believe you have earned the smallest gift, but never stop working out your salvation with fear and trembling.  It is God who works in you.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.  Holy Spirit, help me to do Your will.  Father in heaven, how You have blessed me, how You love me, how gracious You are!  O God, I can never thank You enough, but that does not mean I should give up saying it.  Thank You, thank You, a thousand times thank You!  For Your Son, for life itself, for sustaining me with joy, for leading me to Oregon, for sun and rain, for evergreen trees, for my family, for laughter, for health, for pain which leads me toward holiness, for comfort in sorrow, for men and women who showed me what it is to love You, for Scripture, for the Holy Spirit, for answers to prayer at my lowest points.  You are Lord.  Give me the courage and the will to honor You.

Books that have changed my perspective in important ways

Books. They really do have the power to change your life. To change your perspective. To show you things you never thought of before. To insert an image that sticks with you and makes your life beautiful. Good thing, because otherwise that's a lot of time I would now be thinking of as a waste.

There are some general ways in which reading has been good for me. Expanding my world, teaching me to compassionately understand people in very different situations and cultures, helping me to think clearly and to express myself clearly, etc., etc. I'm not going to get into all of those now. This time, I want to write a post which honors some of the books which have been most influential in my life and mentions some of the specific ways in which they changed things for me. Some of these taught me a key lesson. Some portrayed something beautiful or interesting. Some included one image or one emotion that I have never been able to forget.

I may add to this post at other times. I could be writing this for a long, long time. But for now, without further ado, a beginning of a post to honor books that have changed my perspective in important ways, and through changing my perspective have changed my life.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis: "Is he... safe?" "Safe? Who said anything about safe? Of course he's not safe. But he's good."

The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien: For encouragement to face the Shadow wherever it hides. "Always, after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and grows again." Yet it does continue to be defeated, sometimes by the unlikeliest heroes.

I Corinthians: For showing me what love means and that it truly is more important than anything else I can do. "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

The Curse of Chalion by Lois Master Bujold: because when I think of loyalty I think of Cazaril's scarred back and how he came back to serve again and again. May I perform my duty and love those I serve half, nay, a tenth as well as Cazaril. 

The Sarantine Mosaic by Guy Gavriel Kay: "It's just a _____." "No. This is a death." For teaching me how to grieve, and how to allow myself to grieve what is not a literal death. For teaching me about loving despite the fear of loss. For teaching me about the meaning of art. And for making me wish with all my might to see a mosaic in a dome, and when I got my wish years later, to know what to look for.

The Lord of the Rings: Faramir's courage. Not to love honor and power and the good opinion of others for themselves, but for the good things they can protect. Strength of character to turn down the Ring. Strength to defy his father, the man whose good opinion he most wanted, when necessary. Strength to go into battle as the greatest of captains even though he did not truly love war when it was necessary to protect his home. Strength not to be angry at how his brother always overshadowed him.

Perelandra by C.S. Lewis: May I always remember to treasure the good I am given and not spoil it with complaints about missing the inferior good I expected.

Philippians: Because in Christ we always have reason for joy. Because God does good even in terrible circumstances. Because Christ Jesus, the one man who deserved the most, gave it up and accepted the worst of punishments for our sake, and He is our example. Because from Christ's example we can learn to give up our rights for others. Because God does give us peace when we pray about all our anxieties.

Genesis: Because it may take years to see, but God has a plan even when people mean their actions for evil. Joseph's brothers couldn't thwart Him.

The Soldier Son Trilogy by Robin Hobb: Because of perhaps the first fully sympathetic, detailed look I ever came across at how awful it would be to be obese. Yes, sometimes something that simple, done right, can make a book great.

The Lord of the Rings: An enemy can be won into a friend just by looking at him with understanding, as Gimli was won by Galadriel.

A Call to Die by David Nasser: For challenging me to take my faith very seriously and showing me some of the tangible things that could mean.

The Night Angel Trilogy by Brent Weeks: For showing that even assassins and prostitutes can be redeemed and delving deeply into exactly what it would take to do so.

Tigana by Guy Gavriel Kay: For making me reflect on times when a kind of pride is redemptive, not destructive, and what differentiates the two. And for the purest representation I have read of revenge and what it does and how it mingles with and sabotages love.

The Lord of the Rings: For showing that sometimes the battles that hurt the most happen when we return home and see evil at work... but our struggles elsewhere will give us the strength we need to overcome it.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: Because of how vitally important it is to do our duty and to do it passionately. Karenin lacked passion and Anna lacked any sense of duty and they both destroyed themselves and those around them. 

The Night Angel Trilogy by Brent Weeks: For showing clearly what happens when you say "No" to God in just one little thing.

Mordant's Need by Stephen R. Donaldson: Because of Geraden and Eremis, who showed me how to separate "good" from "cool." Trust someone who is good at heart, loyal, and kind, even when he is also clumsy, awkward, and seemingly no good at anything; never trust someone just because he is suave, charismatic, clever, and good with words, if it appears that he may also be manipulative, cold, and selfish. Geraden will not let you down in the end.

The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis: Because even if the Good were a lie it would be worth fighting for, though praise God! it is not a lie.

Matthew: "Do not worry therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." God watches and cares for us at all times.

This is a beginning. There are many more. But let this suffice for part one.

I would not have dared to dream it.

Today I took a look at the life I have and I realized that ten years, five years, one year ago, as I was trying to decide what I would pursue, trying to decide what I would do, where I would go, what activities I would participate in when I graduated and was finally free to choose... as I wondered, as I waited, as I agonized, as I procrastinated and put off planning out of fear, as I eagerly got an idea and pursued it...

...even one year ago, I would not have dared to dream of the life I have now.  I would not have dared to dream that it could happen.  That I could have so many of the desires that have followed me throughout my life.  Pursuing them would have seemed rash, doomed to failure.  And they dropped right in my lap.

I dreamed of a full-time job doing engineering.  Starting four years ago, anyway; before that I did not know to dream even that, I only dreamed of something mathematical.  Maybe some chip-design for some tolerably respected company.  A little over a year ago, I learned to my chagrin that most companies hiring electrical engineers for the branch which borders on computer engineering wanted a master's degree, but I held out hope that my qualifications might yet land me a job in a relatively timely fashion without the need for that extra time in school which I was not emotionally up for right then, not after five long years.  But a job for Intel?  Chip design for the most respected chip maker in the world, one which supports its employees, one which really hopes that you will still be happily working for them decades later and treats you accordingly?  I did not dare to dream that.

I dreamed of getting to go on a few memorable weekend hikes and/or camping trips with friends.  One or two a year.  Ideally in forest.  But to get to go on gorgeous hikes regularly, so that going a month without is very rare?  I did not dare to dream that.

I daydreamed about forest.  I have always loved forest with all my heart, more than any other kind of terrain.  Forest and mountains.  Old wood.  Clean smells.  Green, green everywhere, my favorite color.  Frequent rain.  Awe-inspiring chasms filled with trees, trees, are what I have loved more than anything since the first time I laid eyes on King's Canyon National Park the summer before my fifth grade year.  To visit these places on a yearly basis was a dream.  To live with forest literally outside my window, with miles and miles of forested mountains within an hour's drive?  That is beyond anything I dared to dream.

Or if I toyed with the notion, I threw it aside.  For I love cities a little too much to give them up.  Havens of culture.  Places to meet people, to visit libraries, to listen to choirs, to go to a good-sized church.  Places where I could work surrounded by others.  Places with good Internet and phone service.  So of course I could not live in a forest happily.  I had to live in or at least very near a city.  So it was hopeless.  Something I never dared to dream.  Until I moved here and discovered that was just what I had acquired almost by accident.  Forest and mountains and city too.

A safer place, a place with friendlier, less suspicious people.  I imagined it, but I did not dare to dream it.

All this, but I wanted a place with a community of friends.  One person at least, one good friend, who could introduce me to their friends, and have it spread from there.  And thanks to my brother Robert, his wife (then fiancee) Laura, and their awesome friends, friends who quickly began inviting me to events even when Robert wasn't going, Oregon passed that test on top of these.  I had an in.  And now I have a community.  Varied and strong and oh-so-interesting and fun.  I dreamed of this, but it turned out better than I dreamed, and anyway I did not dare to mentally claim it as a goal; all my dreams were longings I expected to go unfulfilled.  I expected to live in Los Angeles among my dear friends whom I made gradually, so gradually, and, if I moved, to have trouble for at least my first half year, to continually need to call my old friends just to stay sane.  I did not dare to dream this.

I dreamed of getting to tutor, to help a few people with their math.  I did not pursue it as I originally intended, but about three or four weeks ago, a conversation with a boy I know turned into a thrill when he, on his own, went and grabbed pencil and paper so I could show him some math concept I was talking about, and then we spent the next good while going over miscellaneous math concepts to our mutual delight.  Now I get the chance to tutor him every week, and another family of mutual friends another night every week.  It is so much fun, more fun than I ever dreamed (such bright kids, so fun to watch their eyes light up!  We played with legos and talked about math at the same time!), and it all fell into my lap. I did not dare to dream this - not this.

I dreamed of singing, and I am a part of Intel Singers, an employee group that meets during lunch once a week, and I sing at church as well.  I wanted it, but was not properly pursuing either... but the opportunity was pressed upon me.  I couldn't figure out who to contact about Intel Singers and wasn't willing to take my best guess - an advertisement appeared on the screen of rotating announcements near the elevators which told me.  I was feeling shy about mentioning to the worship director that I could sing - three or four separate people told me each week that I should talk to him until I finally did.

All that is left is for an opportunity to write - and the time to manage it - to fall into my lap.  Or perhaps the perfect roommate(s).  Or more likely something else I would not dare even to dream.

Ah, dear Lord, I can hardly wait to see what You will do next.

Not everything is perfect, of course, and not everything is quite as fun as I dreamed.  But the sum is better than the dream by far.

God is good, and what He has done for me this year has surpassed my wildest dreams.

Perhaps more hardship will come; perhaps some of these gains will prove to be transitory.  Perhaps.  Then again perhaps not.  Either way, this past year proves to me that I am incredibly loved.  That what hardships may come are for my good, to strengthen me and not to harm me.

Last April was when I got an email in my school inbox that informed me that Intel was hiring microprocessor design engineers.  Last April was when I felt a sudden surge of shocked hope and my dreams began to change.  Last June was when they flew me up for an interview and I felt my heart sway toward this beautiful place as I spent time with Robert and Laura and their friends.  Last August was when I arrived here and began this new, crazy, wonderful stage of my life.  Here I am... and I love it.

Press On

When my insecurities rise up once again, it's time to press on.

When the thought of doing something seems cripplingly terrifying even though I know in my head that it's not so bad, it's time to press on.

When I'm bored and my mind wants to wander from something valuable to something silly, from my job to miscellaneous personal thoughts, it's time to press on.

When I feel angry or hurt or embarrassed without cause, or even with cause, it's time to press on.

When I fall flat on my face, it's time to get up and press on.

When I'm lazy and waste time, it's time to get up and press on.

When I need to press on, I have friends who can encourage me, including one very special friend who tells me to take courage.

When I need to press on, I have people who I know will accept me even if I fail to break through the wall, people who will cheer my success when the wall breaks at last.

When I need to press on, I have God, who delights to give me strength and encouragement.

When I press on, I receive blessings that go far beyond the difficulty, blessings which are all the greater when it was so hard I wanted to cry as I looked ahead to what I had to do.

When I press on, I become stronger, and the next time I need to press on it is easier.

When I press on, God uses me, and others are blessed.

When I press on, I see how much I am loved.


*I do not speak of pressing on when with sober judgment you know that the battle is not worth the prize.  But so often the prize is worth it, and we do not receive only because we are unwilling to strive, to persevere, to press on.